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[30 Aug 2009|04:21am] |
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music |
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one true thing |
] |
this is weird..
i have soo many things i could say
and soo little energy to express it
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| WOW...its been a while.....fo sho |
[06 Jun 2007|02:33am] |
Its late
i still havent slept
I have work soon
I need a second Job
I hope cheesecake factory hires me
Ill make bank there
My display picture is forever old
old old old
The things ive written about were.....so old
and lame
and I dont even know what im talking about
dsjnjkbvdjbvdjnvdz
I miss people
but then I miss No One
So why would i even lie and say i did
I have vanilla flavored cigs
They taste like shit
deff not like Vanilla
I cant want to make my Hooka cigs.
mmmm
no harsh chemicals
mmmhmm
peace bitches V
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| let me feel like this all the time |
[26 Jun 2006|07:23am] |
yesterday night i picked a flower from a tree,wishing i could be a fairy
tonight i walked in the rain and smeared my mascara onto my thumb
the simple pleasure from last night still remains in my head.
the softness of the petals that i kept brushing against my face. i couldnt help but want to kiss the flower that layed in my hand. my love killed it. no matter how delicate and careful i was...its whiteness slowly faded into brown.
i wish nature could only provide. i wish that playground was never built. and the surrounding view would just be trees and vines, the sky would be so clear..and there really wouldnt be any worrys. no one would be thinking about the ants or bugs crawling on the trees. we would be one.
and tonight, the comforting sound of the rain tapping the pavement.
its still warm so it doesnt matter how wet you get. the earth was awake and alive. it needed that summer rain. you can smell the trees breath. and if you close your eyes....even for a second you can fool yourself to believe you are in the mountains....
oh how i wish i could feel like this all the time -let me feel like this all the time.
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| my life as a story book |
[04 Jun 2006|09:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
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death cab |
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a couple days ago in a deel conversation with my friend vendetta
i noticed a bee drowning in the spa
i thought it was a horrible way to go...drowning and all
so i have him two chances to stay and float on a leaf
he failed both times
what a lozer
i took him out and he was drying off
he kept slipping on to his back, belly up...
he dried and was able to walk on his own...
HE WALKED STRAIGHT INTO THE SPA AGAIN
...
i honeslty think he wanted to go
it made me sad
i screamed no and tryed to grab him out again
he got sucked into the filter
i felt really bad
40 seconds or so later he came out...
he died..
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there is a snail outside my door
i almost didnt see him
he shell was painted green (when they repainted our house)
it bothered me that the painters didnt even care to notice him sleeping
or just dragging along
what if he hates that dark green
his shell is no longer shiney..
i feel bad for him.
hes munching on something outside more door
it looks like a piece of bark
maybe bread
hhehe he has a green shell... =( <-- still makes me sad
-----------------------
im bothered.
i hate guys
and how they cant handle just being myfriend
they cant handle "being rejected"
and they wont come back cause they are too pride fucked
and think they will look like a "pussy" for crawling back
cause no there secret is exposed.
i dont know what you want for me
but im not going to offer anything more than my frriend ship.
and i dont think its fair what they do.
get over yourself.
its almost 3 and im still awake
i no longer really sleep
i should get to sleep
.....its been a long long while since i wrote but its not like
anyone reads this anyways
....later days.
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| the journey begins |
[20 Mar 2006|07:44am] |
so today i am going to start working out
" you would be flawless if you lost weight"
i saved up my tips for about 3 weeks
i have 155
note that i spent some for gas here and there
for michaels show
and for food
i was going to buy a new phone....
but its 250 for the phone
40 a month
pluss 10 for text
THEN im going to have to depostite some fucking shit because i do not have any credit....
I DO NOT WANT A CREDIT CARD i think they are gay
but that seems to be the only way to build credit....eh...
so i think i am just going to go shopping for underwear....HHA
since its going to take me 6 months to build credit anyway
we are pretty
the end....
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[20 Mar 2006|07:00am] |
 | | Which Character from Rocko's Modern Life are You?</b></a> Take the test here |
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| what to think about when i doubt |
[10 Jan 2006|06:52am] |
today mike told me that he still has the first paper
i gave him with the name on it
the one i gave him the 2nd time when i saw him
at warped tour
i wrote my name and my number
so he wouldnt forget when i called
he still has it
i asked why
and he said because i like it
it makes me think of you
that HAS to mean something....right
i didnt think he was cute like that
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| the past time of my life |
[09 Jan 2006|06:16am] |
| [ |
music |
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death cab for cutie |
] |
double black and white enlarged photos
for a person i have never met
but offered the chance tooo
im kind of scared to meet his mom
what if she doesnt like me
or i donno
she doesnt think im pretty enough
cause im no longer the "basic" deff of pretty
new york was filled with people
and family
and partys
i miss my family
i didnt see my dad or even talk to him
i dont plan on it untill he leaves his whore
eh more later
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| sleep is something thats been lacking my scedule |
[08 Jan 2006|08:15am] |
its funny how well i have been running with outsleep
tomarrow i have work at 2 till close
most i have worked in one day
this week i saw mike 3 times
i took him to the air port today
hes going home for a week
ah fuck this
i had 20 min of sleep im not writting
today i was attached by a gust of horniness
god that sucked
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| the toy |
[01 Nov 2005|08:34pm] |
sid came back home
sid went back to the shop
they didnt fix him
it sucks
cause im the only one that really turns him on
=(
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| what is october |
[31 Oct 2005|10:17pm] |
what is october
anything better than a grand night fallowed by tears
story telling in a broken down car
by the side of the steet
cars passing and passing
yet no one is stopping
you would think that this is the time a cop car would pull over
a tow truck maybe
no only the people you would think to be scared of
or even worthless would help
a bum pushing his home
his shopping cart that he stole
looking for his next warm place to sleep
even a biker
just trying to get his daily night work out done
dirtying his bandana to check the
transmision fluid
the screams
but not of a human
or anything alive for that matter
but something that is not guite dead
or is it?
his name was sid
sid vicious
and he died on october 31th
my favorite day
i cried with him
as we struggled
going less than 20 miles per hour
up the road.
my heart breaks.
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| the weekend love |
[24 Oct 2005|09:12am] |
soo on sat me and lauren go down to mikes when i get off work
we get down there and get lost
how i dont kno
we werent paying attention we were laughing and singing
we ended up in irvine
and all these asians were EVERYWHERE
haha
we get there and jakes in bed
he wont get up
OR LEAVE THE ROOM
for some....reason
finally lauren and me get jake to leave
they went to the store and bought vodka
ha
me and lauren get drunk i guess you would say
not shit faced drunk
just drunk
however when they left me and mike farked
then lauren left the room and jake fallowed
so we got to fark again
that was funner
hes so beautiful
so beautiful.
then the next day which was yesterday
\lauren wanted to watch us have sex haa...
thats not gunna happen lol
so instead mike was grabbing my boobs in front of her
and flashing me to her ahaha
and then touched me, yeah. in front of her haa
i told lauren to get out of the room HAHA
it was funny tho
stupid teese
and poor lauren
she wanted to watch lol
but thats just....weird
anyways im at school and im trying to find out how im going to do something
eh
ill let this go
i want to go back over tho....
meh..
i miss him
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| i would go out tonight but i havent got a stitch to wear |
[20 Oct 2005|09:08pm] |
so yeaterday i hung out with kristen
its been a while
we talked
i was sooo happy yesterday
then all of a sudden at 6 30
fucking sadness his me out of no where
i dont kno why so dont ask
it just did
i got home and was bummed out
hoping i would talk with michael
but he was being retarted and didnt talk back much
so that kind of made me upset.
today ive been bummed out as well
i feel like i want to cry or something
its weird
i donno
anyways
this guy today said "amanda do u cry alot"
me "no why"
i donno it just seems like all the stuff you create is sad
and thats so not true.
my sillohette or however u spell it
man is HOT
it symbols SO MUCH
hes sitting there with his head tilted up
he has a tear
and his hands are held out and up
and a heart is floating above it
the plain just black and white shows simplicity
things shouldnt be complicated
the hearts just floating there cause its something he wants so badly
i donno
i dont feel like explaining it
ill explain it when i post it on here
heres a letter that made me feel nice inside
Amanda, I admire the way that you express your rage. it’s the only thing that most people cannot express that makes me look up to you. it’s pieces that I wish I had in me to let out and push it aside, and you and I both know I’m not one for pushing much aside.
you inspired me to sew and actually opened me up to the idea of making things. haha, I realize that anything is tangible, and all I would need to do is pick it up and fix it. the way you actually have the focus and determination to get things your way inspires me to do more.
you see things differently. ways I could only glance at from a distance but not fully understand. and that’s something I love about you.
having you explain to me the silhouette thing the other day made me smile on the inside because there were different ways to look at it,… and it never actually got to me. it was like you pointed my head in the right direction.
I’m sorry if I was bitchy or whatnot for the past few days… but it’s only because it’s another part of me I haven’t shown. I used to have bad tempers when I was younger and that’s one reason why I’m so shy and don’t show much either. I used to get so mad I’d hurt people and they would eventually abandon me. friends and family… it was so stupid. I was stupid.
hopefully my change is for the better… bwaha… I’d hate to piss people off… especially you, because I know you have the ability to break my legs off and squish me in a paper napkin to flush down the toilet like all your insect fiends that you find around the house.
so yes. I hope you get this soon, I’ll be leaving for work at 4.45. later. mwah. and I loff you.
-charlotte-
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| i should have just slept in |
[13 Oct 2005|07:16am] |
sSo yesterday in class i worked 2 hours on these silouete hands
that go with me very hot man/woman
silouette thing
\and guess what
COULDNT SAVE IT
cause something is wrong with out server
YAY 2 hours of work and nothing can be done for it
eh
i told myself to just stay in bed cause the comps wont be working
and yeah,
they arent
i wish to just been in my warm bed
or michaels...
=(
cause that was part of my dream
i promise myself i wont call him text him or IM him till sunday
i want to see how long it takes him to contact me
and i hate that things are like this
but im pretty sure that if they werent...i would loose interest
or woould i?
im not sure
yoou see...
i go both ways with everything
could explain why i never kno what i want
but i know i want more than this
AND i kno that the more we keep doing stuff the more serious this will have to be
next time were alone
or on the phone
were going to talk a little
um
yeah...
yesterday i saw fight club
for pretty much the first time
and the day b4 that i gotmy her did
it looks good
to bad no one noticed that it was 5 inches longer...
fucking dumb ass
anyways i have to get to text work SINCE OUR SHITS NOT WORKING
tomarrow....im sleeping in
late
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| title |
[06 Oct 2005|10:14pm] |
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i wish i could be an old pin up doll
and have soliders hang me up in their lockers
tthat would be great
today was the fifth time someone said i
looked like/resembled
tomb raider
lady
how the fuck do u spell her name?
Anjolean joilie
wtf
thats not right
god ddamnit
oh well im tired and need to shower
i smell like an asian
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| i want him |
[03 Oct 2005|08:50pm] |
so yeah
i just took a lovely shower
candles are the best way to take showers
screw lights
they body looks more beautiful by candles anyway
today i went to go look at my damanatrix costume
i dont kno if thats how u spell it but i really dont care
uh its so hot.
and this guy walked to the back of the store and i said
"hey! those are the screeens i use at school"
then i go to the lady and say u have a screen printing press in here?!?
and she says yeah
me- eeee thats awesome! i do that for 4 hours a day at school
and yada yada
we talk
and if she needs help she might hire me
weeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!
im so excited they might do a thing for mtv and
get 15 million dollars in projects a day
so....they just might need help...u kno...yeah
thats alot of work
BUT IM SO HAPPY OH GOD PLEASE LET THIS HAPPEN IT WOULD BE THE SHIT!
*smiles*
i get a job doing what i LOVE
weeeeeeeeeeeeee
me and michael are doing good
"i saw u naked"
such a dork.
but i love him.
i hope i can see him TOMARROW OR TUESDAY
CAUSE I NEED TO.
i misses him
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| can humans fake....? HELP ME OUT HERE |
[21 Sep 2005|08:52pm] |
gut feelings?
cause we cause them to not show?
or if they dont show...
are we all in good hands?
do i trust mike?
i mean, i dont have any bad feeling about it
nothing saying STAY AWAY.
like with jeremy
i always knew what was going to happen
or did i cause that to happen all by myself
from having doubt in the first place.
how does this work.
am i being naive?
am i being a typical "stupid girl"
no thats not possible cause i will never let me become one of them
so then am i good?
should i always asume good things so there for
i cant subconciously mess things up later on?
im getting tired....
shirt tomarrow!
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| so hot |
[21 Sep 2005|02:07pm] |
pulling hair
+
nails in the back
=
hotness
uh...
time to take a shower
& i have new pj bottoms =)
when hes getting them back...
who knows
he called me when he said
called me back yesterday
and texted me back today
looking better,
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| back into the shit hole |
[16 Sep 2005|07:41am] |
so...
just when things with me and mike were getting better
its all done now
he told me to loose his number
i dont kno if he said that cause he was just really upset
but i have a reason to be upset as well
being ignored for 3 weeks
come on now.
so my eyes are really puffy.
my glasses are staying on.
when i was driving to school today
the sky was all grey
and really thick
but the sun still shined in one spot
and it made me cry
i dont kno ow to read that sign
god help me.
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| i dont have a title |
[13 Sep 2005|08:39am] |
so yesterday...
i was at school and this butterfly kept landing
on this guy
i got mad and cursed at him telling him to land on me...
and he did.
yay
made me feel special...=)
so going to FUN OL WORK...
i grabbed my pants and ishy out of the hamper to wash
when i grabbed them out of the dryer i noticed it wasnt my work shirt...
it was mikes shirt...
and yeah...
i donno
it made me sad...
and i kind of took it as a sign to call him,
but i didnt.
i didnt even kno the shirt was in the hamper to start off with
it felt weird
i dont kno what to do
all i KNOW IS...
i HAVE to see him ONE last time.
.........eh......
class is to early....
i need to go back to mi mi's
go fark yourself.
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